Truth be told ... i was never so honest with the people from my life.

And ... it's not that i am a liar.

No ...

I have moments when i am liar too ... but not all the time.

I .... actually ... can't be honest enough cause ... i am too diplomatic.

I don't want to ... hurt them.

So ... i shut up.

Or ... simply say ... beautiful lies.

Ignoring the obviously truth.

I do that by such a long time ... that i believe .... that nothing will ever change.

I'll just continue ... to lie.

I could be honest ... and tell what i think ... but most probably ... i don't do it cause i know that means .... i'll come into a point when i'll just disconnect from those persons.

So ... i just endure all related to the relationship ... believing is the best.

Yes ... i avoid the truth.

 

I avoid saying what i really feel and think ... cause I'll automatically induce ... the end.

And .... I don't want it.

If i'll start practicing honesty ... i'll just cut all my connections ... with most of the people from my life.

So ....am i a liar?!

Why i run away of honesty?!

Why ... i am so afraid to reveal my real thoughts ... feelings or emotions?!

Just to not lose these people?!

But what is actually the price of remaining connected to them?!

And ... stay in lie.

Well ...

Somehow ... i am losing myself.

... doing this by such a long, long time ... being too afraid of remaining alone on the stage of life.

Fortunately .... more i am meditating ... i feel much and much stronger ... that i am actually afraid of losing all those connections ... cause i'll remain alone with myself.

And ... it will be hard.

Much too difficult.

Maybe ... worst will be ... that continuing to be honest ... forgetting about all the lies i've used till now ... i'll clearly see the emptiness from my soul.

That ... will hurt me a lot.

And ... i balance between continuing pretending i don't see the truth ... using all the time lots of funny lies ... just to not disconnect from all those souls which are around me.

 

Cause ... being alone ... me with myself ... will be too difficult.

Much ... too difficult.

 

 

 

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... seen as un amazing trick for a beautiful life

philosophical & spiritual essays” written by the romanian writer Adrian Gabriel Dumitru for FREE.

 

 

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